Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Your Role-Model's Eyewear and Your Grade 5 Bully: An (un)Informed Analysis of Hipster-Glasses Stranglehold on Popular Fashion

Do little kids get made fun of for needing glasses anymore? Will a walk through a playground leave your ears ringing with their taunts of "four-eyes", "nerd", and whatever else they're creative enough to come up with?

I don't personally know, but if I remember how much mainstream media played a part of my childhood, I'm going to assume no. Kids do what pop-stars do. And what pop-stars do these days, is take to these window panes n frames as if these glasses are the reason women throw panties at them.

Now I have no issue with anyone who lacks vision clarity, and needs at least a monocle to make the world come through in HD. But these things are being sold like sunglasses now. Without the lenses even. Why? Why have glasses -- actually not even normal glasses, but those really huge ridiculous things that remind anyone over 25 of that kid in A Christmas Story -- all of a sudden become a needed fashion accessory?

My theory is those kids who used to get picked on, those "four-eyed nerds" of the 80's and 90's who did every shitty high school football players homework, have finally taken over.

It starts with bullying. And frankly it was bad in the 90's, and I don't even want to think about the 80's. This was before companies donated entire advertising campaigns to the cause, or little girls we're posting suicide notes on Facebook page about online bullying ruining her life. Back then kids had to take it. And if you didn't you we're just bullied some more.

My mom used to always say, "watch who does things in life,"...she loved a long pause for emphasis, "the kids pointing fingers and excluding others, or the kid who is outcasted".

Now in the 2010's, those kids who did the others homework, who got picked on and excluded, and had to go through childhood with, what used to be the absolutely worst character trait; glasses, are now in positions of power. Not all of them, but you can bet a fair amount record-label owners, media producers and publishers, and generally influential people have had to deal with bullying over their glasses way back in the day.

And this is the result. Glasses being so "in", and "trendy", and just so damn sexy that the kids need them for looks instead of for looking. 64% of the american population needs and wears glasses. I would like to know how many people of the remaining 36%, have a pair just to fit in.

Hipster-glasses, as they are so affectionately referred to these days, are a staple of seemingly every celeb's wardrobe. And kids everywhere are jumping on board.

I feel this is either some huge anti-bullying campaign done by that Illuminati every rich rapper is supposedly associated with. Or this is the people in control of mainstream media, flexing their muscle on their old school bullies -- laughing as he tells him 20 years later: "Only unleaded fuel, please".

Whatever it is, I'm fine with it.

I remain,

-John F. Johansen